Wednesday, June 22, 2005

updates and tagged.

Sorry for the lack of updates. Having neurotic family memberS, and an equally neurotic Jack Russell at home (the Cocker Spaniel is quite mad too) doth not maketh a conducive blogging environment. Anyway. Emmanuel, Tian, Lenny and my bro came to the airport to pick me up when I touched down, so sweet of them. And I could barely recognize my brother, the little pipsqueak is now towering over me at a lofty height of 1.7m (he was shorter than me when I left last Sept).

So I'm back in humid sticky priggish Singapore, and everyone seems to be suffering from a unhealthy case of body dysmorphia: I see ads deriding women who are 'fat' at 52 kg and how 'gorgeous' they look at 43 kg. What is WRONG with them? Get me back to London!

Yes I'm quite angsty about it: it's really not fun meeting up with relatives too, and having them tell you: "Wahhh you put on a bit of weight ah? Your face is quite round! Ahahahahah!" [Insert cue for relative to pinch my cheek] Okay okay I'll go jogging.. soon! RAWRRRRRRRRR

As you can tell, I'd already met my relatives. I thought I'd spend the first weekend at home partying but noooooo I had to partake in my uncle's Buddhist funeral rites. It's some sort of religious ceremony that we all have to go through 49 days after his death, involving endless chanting and swirling incense smoke. I really don't know how people's chanting, kneeling and genuflecting to the Buddha idols will help my dead uncle, but if they believe so, okay whatever. To my amusement, I discovered a whole brood of cousins from my uncle's wife's first marriage who are all much older and married, and their kids are all in their late teens. It's just odd hearing a 19-year-old address you as 'Auntie'. [Vincent: no Aunty jokes!]

Oh, I've been tagged by Jo to do this memorable childhood memories thingy, so here goes:

1. I was 4, 5 years of age, attending my music class (Yamaha Junior Music Course). My piano teacher was playing random chords on the piano and we had to identify the notes. I refused to let any of my classmates answer, I must be the first one to answer them all (Do-Mi-Soh! Re-Fa-Lah! Lah-Do-Mi!). Talk about competitive! In the end, she got so exasperated that she made me sit on her lap to keep my mouth shut. Ah well.

2. My grandmother used to grow these lime plants, but the limes are orange in colour. Maybe they're not lime plants, but I'll just term them as that for now. My cousin Melody and I were bored, no one was watching us, so we started plucking the limes and throwing them down from the balcony. It was wicked fun watching the orange soft balls plummet down from a height of 10 storeys, watching it go splattttttt on the tarred driveway. We worked ourselves up into a frenzy, plucking and throwing lime after lime, shrieking with laughter. We'd just exhausted our supply, when my uncle and grandmother drove up to find some very impressive orange graffiti on the road below my apartment. It was a bumper crop that year, and a very merry 'counselling session' the two of us had. I couldn't sit on my butt for a whole week.

3. I think I was 4, stumbled outta bed in the middle of the night and saw my dad watching telly. I sat down to watch too, and I remember seeing some weird images but before I could fully comprehend them, he had already swept me off my feet and put me in bed. It wasn't till a good 5 years later, after I broke into my dad's locked drawer, and went thru every Playboy magazine and watched every videotape there was inside, that I saw the image again and realized: he was watching porn!

4. My daddy showing me my first Mimosa 'touch-me-not' leaf, and I watched it fold up at his gentle proding.

5. Okay this is really embarrassing: I was 7, and really excited over the new arrival of my sister. I went into the room to look for my new toy sister, and I saw this white cloth on the bed. There were greenish-brown round bits on it, some of them were oval-shaped. Now, please all bear in mind that I WAS A STUPID and NAIVE KID and had just been introduced to the wonders of Pandan Cake. "Wahhhh who left the pandan cake lying around?" And I took some, put it in my mouth and chewed. Of course, it tasted revolting and literally, 'like shit'. It sure as hell didn't taste like pandan cake and I immediately knew what its true contents were. I never brushed my teeth so hard and long before (20min!) in my short 7 years of life.

Okay, now I tag Lee Yang and Lenny to do it. I'm off to pamper myself before I get my results back on Friday. (Ahhhhhhhhhh) Everyone's getting back their class results on Friday too right? Good luck peeps!

p.s. Is it just me, or Haloscan's not working? I can't reply to any comments!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

'loss' is slowly tattooed onto my skull.

But over all things brooding slept
The quiet sense of something lost.
-Lord Alfred Tennyson

Back from Majorca and Barcelona. I thought I'd have a huge photoblog filled with sunshine, sunshine and more sunshine, but I can't muster any positive energy right now. (Jo beat me to it anyway, click here.) Not when I think about the multitude of tasks that are lying in wait for me, screaming at the back of my mind to be completed by the dreaded 14th June.

Is this all there is? Or rather, is it really over?

And I think of everything that I'm going to miss: the liberatine lifestyle I lead, the open culture, the fantastic concerts, KCL Music Dept, the ratty Steinway piano, my unique Canterbury Hall room (the only one with clothes for a carpet), even my squealing toilet tap...

Especially the people. All my close friends that I've made over the three years in London: JoJo Vincent Marcus Danny Gooizhen Lee Yang Louisa Clarinda Mary Cass Will Kirsh and so many more that I've yet to mention. The thought that I'd never ever, EVER, see them again is heartrending.

I've accumulated enough regrets over the past three years to have them stacked all the way to the moon. And I just want to end this year without one? There are so many things that I yearn to say without the stifling constraints of social conventions, my overweening pride and fear, but yield to them I must, I lack the courage. Regretting and mourning over 'what ifs' is really such a bloody waste of time, ideally we should just drop it, forgive ourselves and just move on. But I can understand why we can't let go, where it feels perversely spiffy to indulge in them? Relishing them, even. Sometimes I think self-pity is the greatest form of narcissism.

Today, I also realized just how much my friends mean to me, especially Jo and Vincent. I love you guys so much you know? I can't believe I'm not going to see you guys next semester. Big hugs to both of you, it's been a really long day.

Okay okay it's really late, I'm knackered and I've let my emotions get ahead of me. I'm going to stop here, before I start blubbering and embarrassing myself in an ostentatious display of mush. Which is a no-no. I look awful enough with my impossibly-distended belly from comfort junk food, though it'd probably bring out my dark eyebags most beautifully I don't need red swollen eyes to go with it.

"Big.. girls.. don't.. cry! Big.. girls.. don't.. cry!"

Thursday, June 02, 2005

ola, ola!

Today's a really depressing day, received my Analysis results, and the chances are that I may have to kiss goodbye to my Masters next year. Yup. Fantastic. But to hell with that. As someone told me today, I just have to learn to live with it. Hard lesson, but that's life. And I really really REALLY swear I'd never procrastinate again when it comes to work.

Rounded the day off brillantly with the Music Dept Ball, which was held in a hospital? It was really weird prancing past some wards in order to get to the ballroom. I wasn't too keen on going initially, but I'm glad I went since it's the last time I can see all of my coursemates. Unless I attend graduation. That being said, we (Jo, Vincent, Marcus and gang) had a gathering at Danny and Gooizhen's place the other day (huge thanks to them for hosting us), and to think it was the very last time too. I was actually getting all emo about it, but no one else was and I figured it'd be too embarrassing (and stupid) to start bawling in the middle of it all. So I started scoffing Doritos down my throat, not a good idea. Ah well. Jo's blogged about it, and you can see some photos from my lousy camera.

Here are a few choice photos from tonight:

Darling, darling Mary looking demure..

..nah! Look at that! Leah's getting some action.

And after this shot, the following ones are censored.

That's Jenny Bianco and me, Lou, Mary and Cass.

Nell, Jenny, and myself with Will.

As the night wore on...

Ewan and his harem, look at his kilt! As you can see from the other shot, somebody's pretty much wasted already - Sarah, Simon and me.

I shall stop here before I wake Jing up with my keyboard keys going clack clack clack. Happy belated 22nd birthday to her, and yes she's back in London for today cuz we're going to Mallorca and Barcelona in a few hours: from the 2-9 of June, together with Vincent and Jo!!!! My fellow ditz-sista! -squeals squeals- I hope I get a nice tan, and not balloon from too much paella. Hrrmph.

Till then, bye everyone and check back next week! xxxxxxxxx

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

Old wounds hurt most, I learned this today, becaus...
She speaks, repeating the old litanies, of worn ac...
time skips
and it all comes together!
beethoven's symphony no.7 2nd mvt
again,
towards that something
In the alley of shadows and death
Masking Tape
another end of the world

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.