Sunday, April 29, 2007

monologue.

I never knew you
but I can’t stop mourning by
Pretending
Deifying the things that we could have done
in the mind with closed eyes, I see
I hear it all.

Your voice would have been a dull grey
Diffident, raspy, the needle against black
circles which do not complete their course
They stay still
Like how you were,
and are.

Faded, you are more alive to me
than you had ever been right now
But I know your shade leaves no trace
of its passing, as much as I wish
it would.

There are no shadows that can be seen,
yet I feel yours against the veil of my eyes
Your fingernails grate painfully, seeking
entry, but I refuse, another time:
Another time.

I don’t suppose ‘another time’ will ever arrive
for you, for me, there never was the meeting
where you could have turned your face either way
or even looked through me, as I look through you
By conjuring magic balls of memories
these skulls with malicious grins
Printed words of fire that reveal
an emptiness within.

Love begets regret, but I have none of the former
Only too much of the latter, and a professional curiosity
about the things you used to do
the things you used to say
Did you ever once think of me, because
I had never thought about you
And in that, I have my answer.

Maybe I should feel a little more, on the
left, for other matters such as a
Broken record
Captured colours
A tentative kiss between fingers
Or silent smoked words
Stay with me, but you
don’t, and aren’t you supposed to be
Important.

But you aren’t.
Not surprising, really,
the apathy derides.
Or so I say.

Your legacy speaks to you, but you remain
Deaf (no fault of yours, I admit)
The weightless cross is mine to
bear, so I promise to think
about who you were
about who you loved
Nice safe thoughts, such as
the sweet universal breath of air, you
must have tasted that, a finite number
Didn’t you?
How was it like?
Were you aware?
I have more questions than I thought
But they border on the mundane.
As they should.

It’s that strange bittersweet pang, that
the what ifs had never once been, and
only to realize this after
irrevocable loss?
This particular loss is far bigger than
my regret, that
I had never, and that I will
never be able to see your face
apart from your clones, plastered
between the dusty pages
of secret manuals.

Do you mind, if I become
the silent (and deluded) witness
to the black-and-white time
that you had left
behind?

Ah, cacophonic silence.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

Old wounds hurt most, I learned this today, becaus...
She speaks, repeating the old litanies, of worn ac...
time skips
and it all comes together!
beethoven's symphony no.7 2nd mvt
again,
towards that something
In the alley of shadows and death
Masking Tape
another end of the world

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.