Wednesday, October 29, 2008

a tight paper ball almost makes one a paper doll

Another whirlwind of events, of many things that are made up of nothing, such is the importance of peripherals, you see. For me, it is the journey between face, gaze and fingers, the touch of bardic cadences on the heart, the warmth of a new family member, and the exchange of inner silence for the (now) muted scores.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

If only you knew how difficult it is for me to undo all that.

Monday, October 13, 2008

the last stand, not, maybe.

It seems as if I am perpetually stressed and high-strung and hysterical over PW, which is causing me a lot of grief. I want the kids to do well and am extremely worried for them (1 week to 1st deadline), to the point that I now have eczema patches on my neck and leg from stress and it's so itchy and I can't help scratching.

I never had these eczema patches even when I was horrifically stressed trying to finish my Mmus, and I daresay I was far more stressed then. The difference though, is that I knew what I was doing (in a way) and that I am responsible for my own work and if I fall, it's just my fault and no one else's but now I am responsible for the lives/grades of 15 others so there is no room for error here.

Last I checked, I'm a music teacher. Now, I teach music, civics, PW, and not only do I double up as an events manager and admin clerk, I also have to be an unwilling actress who cannot for one second stop smiling in college, as a paltry shield against the fangs of hyenas both young and old, who cannot for one second speak her true mind, mark the sharp ears of poisonous walls.

I only have these in my arsenal of weapons, and I am not willing to acquire more, so as they like to call it, it's checkmate, where it's only a matter of time before I am completely subsumed, rotting of the riot has begun, my friends, rotting of riot begun.

Friday, October 03, 2008

disappointed, but we roll on, learning, that smiles conceal knives.

I just have to get used to it.

So. One is taking refuge in Debussy's Pelleas et Melisande, such wonderful gorgeous and sensuous music. I can't quite decide which is my favourite bit, though it's probably Act IV scene IV. At the end of that scene, Melisande sighs, 'I am happy, but I am also sad.'

Different reasons aside, I couldn't have said it better myself.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

Old wounds hurt most, I learned this today, becaus...
She speaks, repeating the old litanies, of worn ac...
time skips
and it all comes together!
beethoven's symphony no.7 2nd mvt
again,
towards that something
In the alley of shadows and death
Masking Tape
another end of the world

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.