Thursday, September 29, 2005

i shld be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky.

Sometimes, you need some form of a yardstick, a measure of comparison with other people, before you realize how shit-lucky you are. Like how people always tell themselves: "At least I'm not starving in a Third-World country, with nothing to eat and nowhere to sleep!" It's silly really, that most of us need this awful sort of exaggerated reassurance and comparison to realize how fortunate we are, and be content with our lot in life.

Well, for that transient moment anyway. I've always believed that it is the enduring nature of the human yearning for absolute contentment, which makes it a temporal concept - we won't be satisfied.

Although I'm much better now, I have been just a wee bit under the weather in London. I suppose I can live with it, and just get on with life. But it's still kinda hard, ya know?

And just when these gloomy thoughts reached its all-time-peak, I bumped into my classmate at Chancery Lane. That poor boy, his father just passed away and his mother is stricken with breast cancer. I was horrified, and impressed by his bravery. How difficult it must be for him, to come out of his own shell of misery, to interact with other people and have the strength within to say the words, "...my father passed away," remaining dry-eyed the whole time. If I were him, I won't even be able to stop crying, let alone walk out of the house.

It's awful, dead awful I say. When you hear of another person's bad news, you are full of sympathy, but at the same time, it's tainted with relief: 'Thank God it's not me', and you feel so much better after that. I felt so horrible on his behalf, and yet knowing that my turn is not here yet, having been granted a reprieve from the inevitable, I felt so thankful.

Whether or not it's only 'natural' and 'human nature' to do so, I feel utterly disgusted with myself for having taken everything in my life for granted once more. How many times must I remember, that everything that I have in my life is NOT 'my right', but accorded privileges?

Once again, I'm reminded that I've no right to whinge or moan about my 'supposed problems', not when some are hardly worth the effort spent on them (such a waste of energy) and especially not when I've other better things to do. School's started, and I've attended a few postgrad lectures at King's already. They're scaring the hell outta me: there's so much work to be done that I really don't have the time to practise piano. (Oh, the horror!)

I should stop here now, I don't think he can sleep with the lights on, and I've been blogging through the night! Inconsiderate me, argh. Photos to come when my old and slightly dingy apartment is properly set up!

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

I'm tempted to write a "I'm that girl who..." post...
coming down and wretched.
ola! onslaught of photos!
contented sigh.
here we go again.
my body clock is attuned to london already.
there's no escaping my swayness!
revamped. a new beginning.
visa blues and vampires.
Why do words and thoughts fail me in times of grea...

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.