and it all fuses together.

Sometimes, my fingers move of their own volition, skiing across the keyboard, tapping random buttons, and slowly steering themselves towards my nemesis, and I think oh no, oh no, what am I doing, and yet I'm fully aware, making informed decisions, and I plunge deep into that forbidden world, unsealing those wounds which make me feel perversely alive, reaffirming much to my anguish that I exist, as I beat my fists against the wall repeatedly in mock denial, for nothing is to be done, and nothing can be done.