Thursday, December 29, 2005

oh come off it!

Really, wherever I go, I'm bombarded by insistent reminders of a time which I don't need to remember, thank you very much. So as much as I hate to leave Singapore, I can't help but feel awfully glad and relieved that I'm returning home. Albeit to a snowy London, but I've the rest of the year sans snow to look forward to.

I'm still going to miss all of you, especially Yee Chong Weilin Tian Euge Geks Steffy Cheryl and many many more, as well as my family members. Sobs, love you guys so much!

If I don't have time to blog before I leave for whiter pastures within the next few days, here's wishing all of you a very Happy New Year. Here's to 2006!

Monday, December 26, 2005

bounce bounce bounce!

What can I say...?

FERRY CORSTEN WAS ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT!

Zouk was packed to the rafters, and it was really hot, but it was an amazing night of non-stop good music! I actually recognized tracks that he dropped (aren't you proud of me, Jo?), and I was so happy to hear some particular favourites of mine! Wheee!

Anyway, Merry Christmas everyone! Have more mince pies!

Friday, December 23, 2005

a Narni-AC good day.

Just when I thought I have become truly apathetic!

I met up with Mr David Foong (whose blog is now defunct) for the first time in 1.5 years, and it was good. We heard the ACJC choir+alumni carolling at the Esplanade, and I saw so many incarnations of my memories - old friends! That's not really an accurate term, but you know what I mean. The accurate description - "friends-whom-I've-lost-touch-with-and-not-met-for-the-longest-time" is far too lengthy, and perhaps, loaded with too much information.

As I listened to those familiar carols that I used to warble when I was still in the Anglo-Chinese institution, I felt my heart leap into my choked throat that was full of emotions that I thought I had lost forever. Emotions that I thought I'd never feel again.

Oh, how I miss the adrenaline rush from a choir performance!

I nearly dissembled on the floor when I heard my favourite carol "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". Remembering and re-living those memories of living in fear and awe of THE MADAMS, I could actually feel the god-awful tight kebaya cutting into my fleshy tummy (hmmmm, that just might be my shrinking denim skirt, and no, I refuse to admit that I'm putting on weight), going through warm-ups and de-briefs, the choir tour in London/Holland (and the food poisoning epidemic!), the sense of belonging and yet not, on the outside and always looking in - one of the many blessings of being the choir pianist. I think I lived in fear, trepidation and merriment during those heady days. Yes yes, it's an odd mix, but it all added up to agony 'enjoyable' in the final equation. As someone once told me, people aren't two-dimensional (winks), and surely a person can feel all kinds of emotions at once.

Watching Narnia really did it - it was brilliant! I won't spoil it for potential Narnia-watchers, but there're a couple of touching moments, the corners of my eyes were streaked black by the end of the movie. I doubt any of you would be immune to the powerful story-telling by C.S. Lewis, nor overlook the heavily-laden Christian symbolism in Narnia. Argh, I lack the necessary eloquence needed to describe the movie and do it justice - just go watch it, okay?

You know, I don't think I should have too many 'good days'. I mean.. they're so boring to write about, much less read! And I can't write well when I'm happy! What's that quote again? "No happy woman ever writes." Probably because everything they write would be first-degree crap. I need to be sufficiently depressed, melancholic or riddled with angst before I can write something that's self-deprecating and somewhat witty (!) with a resounding dramatic peroration that would change all of your lives forever. But hey, even if I sound like it, I'm not complaining.

I know it's only a matter of time before reality bites me in the back, with real time rudely intruding into my constructed bubble of false eternal stasis, so excuse me while I wallow like a sow in the moment. 'Good days' can't be lured or bribed with brownie points, and you never know when they might come again. They can be so fickle.

It's probably out of context, but I'm suddenly reminded of the Duke's aria from Verdi's Rigoletto, "La donna e mobile". I suspect 'good days' might be female. Now, if only they would be partial to members of the same sex.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

hit me baby, one more time.

Keep the good news coming! Bring it on, bring it on! This has been such a brilliant year! From start till the end! Feel my joy, people, feel my joy! Ho ho ho ho ho!

.......

I seriously CANNOT wait for 2005 to come to an end.

1st Jan 2006, the bringer of hope for a new beginning, please come quickly. I promise to be a good girl.

Monday, December 19, 2005

mosquitoes, orgasms, fatgirlslim.

I've already had my prerequisite rite of initiation upon entering Singapore, and I'm now the proud owner of not one, not two, not three, but SIX mosquito bites located at all different parts of my body. Do you know what a nightmare that is? They're all itchy at the same time, and I only have two hands. And that's only when I'm not putting things into my mouth.

The heat and humidity - unbearable. It's simply ridiculous. It makes me long for London so bad! (Missing you loads, Jo/Lalang/Jing/Jess/Abby!) The local food is too good to be true though, and I can literally feel spasms of ecstasy coursing through my body as I feel the dollops of oil and fatty lard slick down my throat - simply an orgasmic experience. I've already savoured and devoured hokkien mee, beef hor fun, chicken rice, chye tao kueh, satay, fishball noodles, egg tarts, fishhead beehoon, wan tan noodles and curry chicken! Prata for breakfast tomorrow! Not to mention the local snacks like Calbee Potato Chips, and those oval biscuits with the coloured ice sugar topping... Tiens, I can literally feel my face expanding while typing all these down! Hooooo!

The downside of it all is having the Mother tell me very truthfully that I'm fat (she peeked at my round tummy - I like to think of it as a separate entity, that it's actually part of my clothes), and she's willing to sponsor sessions at a slimming salon for me. I don't know whether to be offended or thankful for hearing the truth! All the same, I appreciate her kind intentions, misplaced or otherwise. I should think I have a very good reason for getting fat - it's winter after all! Well, not in Singapore but I'll be returning to London soon. I think so anyway. The Mother didn't purchase an airticket home for me, and apparently all flights to London are booked till the 14th? Essays are due on the 16th!!! Hopefully, everything will be sort itself out somehow.

Anyway, I want to make the most of my time in SG by meeting everyone whom I'm not going to see till October 2006, and gorge myself to death on local food. So peeps, call me! Silly me stored my contact list in my other phone which I've lost a month ago. The number is 98211516.

Now to contemplate if I should take up The Mother's offer. The idea of losing weight without any physical exertion or prohibition of junk food intake sounds too good to be true! Then again, it probably is, huh? Decisions, decisions!

Sunday, December 11, 2005

i never liked goodbyes of any sort.

I just met Jing for lunch at King's Cross, and sent her off at the tube station. We said the usual farewells, take cares, miss you loads, but the regurgitation of these stock phrases in no way dilute the meaning of the words. As we turned in opposite directions towards our respective destinations, I was struck, not for the first time, at the sheer disparity between our lifestyles. This is inevitable, and to be expected: are we not poised in geographically-undesirable locations where our lives no longer run congruent to each other?

Maybe it's the cold winter and the dreary skies, but I was literally doubled over with such a fierce longing for the good old times where both of us with Abby and Jess were living our lives together: running amok in school, getting into trouble (not me, I am always the goody-two-shoes), doing stupid shit like chasing Victorine up and down the corridors, and so on. It's not really about the antics that we indulged in, it's about revisiting (not reliving) a preserved epoch in our minds which can only get better and better with age, with all our bad moments dulled by Time, eradicated, or reworked by our imperfect memories into a pleasant experience.

That desire of mine, amongst others barely suppressed, must have surfaced from within. I got on the tube at King's Cross without checking which line it was, and it was a good 30 minutes before I realized I was on the Hammersmith line and not the Circle. By then, I was already approaching Shepherd's Bush. I wasn't even all that perturbed, and I had half the mind to just take the tube all the way to the end, and let it magically transport me away to another time, another place, and I'm suddenly reminded of the story within the story of 2046 - where the protagonist Tony Leung wrote a novel about people boarding this train for 2046 to regain their lost memories. It's not really the same nor complementary to how I feel, but it runs in a parallel fashion - they want to find their memories, I want to run away from mine by finding something new altogether, as if that would be able to diminish the past to a faint echo, where only wisps of ghosts are left, eliciting weak and false responses from the present.

But am I not living that contradiction right at this moment? Of course I am, and I'm not satisfied by that. I'm aware of the possibility that perhaps, I don't even know what it is I truly wish for, that it's beyond my ability to elucidate my thoughts in words, and therefore it would never take place in the manner that I want it to. Nostalgia and sentimentality somehow gets in the way. After all, the past makes up your present, does it not? You can't divorce the two from each other.

No matter how fast you think you can run, it has such a disappointingly mundane way of catching up with you. I glanced at my Stravinsky book on my lap, and reality immediately descended upon me: I was uncomfortably aware of my due coursework tomorrow at 4pm, and the sad fact that I only have 2quid left in my Oyster card. I wasn't about to spend extra money to travel to some godforsaken station out of Central London, just to indulge my whim of pretending I'm living in Vienna 1900-1950 (conveniently ignoring WWI/WWII), having a nice cup of tea and listening to people argue about Wagner and Freud in coffeehouses.

So I trudged back to Royal Oak and disembarked. I turned to watch the train pull out of the station, until I can no longer distinguish it from other specks in the distance. With its departure, I inexplicably felt a part of my heart leave as well. Maybe I should start smiling so that I would cry, and those just might be tears of happiness for something which I no longer have.

Friday, December 09, 2005

lynne the red-nosed reindeer.

Logically, I can think of 9823497 things which are worse than falling sick in the dead of winter. But right now, amidst lots of used tissue, strewn clothes on the floor, spilt packets of shortbread cookies and 4 different bottles of water, I'm not too sure about that. All I know is my red nose is dreadfully sore and dry, my constricted chest is preventing me from breathing properly, I can't stop coughing and my head hurts. I can't taste anything but I'm so hungry that I just chew and swallow the biscuits anyway.

So this is the price to pay for running away to Amsterdam with Jo, Lalang and others over the weekend to see Tiesto, braving the icy wind (no warmer than 2 degrees Celsius) for nearly half an hour in the wee hours of the morning wearing only a t-shirt beneath my coat, and 3 hours of sleep in next 2 days to rush my Stravinsky presentation. That didn't go very well, I'm afraid - my graphs were utterly incomprehensible to the class. Sigh.

My my, I'm getting old. But no regrets about Amsterdam! It's a great city that's full of character, one of those places where you can feel its colourful past coursing through the cobblestones below your feet, if you know what I mean. You have all these canals running through the city, the trams which zoom by perliously close to the pavements, excellent food [Jo and Lalang loved the beer], great company... It was brilliant! The only grouch I have with it is the weather: it's actually worse than London? It was pissing the entire time we were there, which was such a let-down.

In any case, the end of term is drawing near and time has flown by so quickly! [I haven't even collected my CDs from Danny's!] Nonetheless, I'd be glad to return home for a while and bake in the sun. Pause. Then again, maybe not. All the three Js and one A in my life are not going home for Christmas -wails- oh woe is me! I will miss all of you very much!

Anyway it's just one more week to Christmas break - be sure to relish your last week of term! And finish up those essays before term ends, understand?

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

thrice and counting.

Amsterdam has come and gone, and I'm left behind with the alter-ego wreckage whose name is "very stressed Lynne". A very bad night of un-rest complete with nightmares and a faceless stranger, with no work done for her two presentations tmr, makes both Lynnes very very depressed.

It's hard to get back on track when you try to bathe your whole room in amber light, and you only dare to look straight in front of you - for fear of what you may, or may not be able to see.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

don't jinx yourself!

I remember Jo once explained to me about the concept of self-prophecy, and I just wanted to let you guys know that IT IS TRUE. I speak from first-hand experience!

So please watch what you say about yourself. Before you start saying:

"I'm so unlucky, I know I'm going to get the last King from the deck of cards",
or "I know I'm not going to finish my work",

STOP! And slowly swallow your words down your lumpy throat. Do NOT even let a bubble of a word escape from your lips! Understand, boys and girls?

In the meantime, I'm going to try the reverse-flip side of this intriguing notion. From today onwards, I shall tell myself everyday:

Rest assured I'll let all of you know if my experiment works. Then we can all move on to:

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

Old wounds hurt most, I learned this today, becaus...
She speaks, repeating the old litanies, of worn ac...
time skips
and it all comes together!
beethoven's symphony no.7 2nd mvt
again,
towards that something
In the alley of shadows and death
Masking Tape
another end of the world

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.