Friday, July 15, 2005

rain, rain, go away.

Maybe the falling rain makes one prone to melancholia, and I'm filled with unwarranted and unwanted emotions which I yearn to purge out. As we all know, these would not be dispelled through excess consumption of intoxicating beverages - lesson learnt. *winks* The only outlet I have are my 10 fingers, which I either type or play on the piano.

I say 'play on the piano' because I am technically and emotionally unsound to make music, so whatever music I make would thus be irresponsible and simply, no good. I tried sight-reading the Waldstein sonata yesterday, which was pretty fun, but it lacked the magic, you know? The euphoria factor that's supposed to come together with making music: it's gone. Oh there were moments to be sure, but hardly sustained beyond a few bars.

Today, my granny asked me to play this god-awful cheesy piece called 'Sweet Bye and Bye' for her. My mum used to play it everyday for her when I was still a little kid. Being the ever-dutiful granddaughter I am, I went against all my principles (down with cheese music e.g. richard clayderman, puiiii) and played that it. She painfully sat down next to me on the seat as I tinkered on the piano. Past memories of a better time superimposed themselves onto the score before my eyes, a time where my feet dangled off the piano seat, a time where my mum would sing happy tunes to herself, a time where I still had a dog named Lucky, a time where anything else but 'contentment' was a foreign concept.

It's funny, but that lousy piece of cheese bought me a few minutes of elusive peace, peace which I haven't had for the longest time. This, despite knowing what I saw in my mind was false - it was only a memory, and we all know how memories and perceptions change with time and age.

And I smiled bittersweetly to myself, the kind of smile that comes about when something you both long for and dread has happened.

After this, there's no satiating the human appetite for more because it is attainable but no one said it would be easy, and I am forever doomed to search for that elusive state of mind.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

this is it.
mackie's here to stay.
updates and tagged.
'loss' is slowly tattooed onto my skull.
ola, ola!
v. long post and photo overload!
i am DONE with my degree:
practise practice practise practice practise
mwahahha.
lynne the blooming hermit.

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.