Friday, January 06, 2006

lucid dreams, but i'm awake.

Do you ever have one of those really intense nightmares, where you know it's just a dream and yet you're so scared because it's too real, too real and you can't believe that you're asleep, that it's not taking place in your own waking notion of reality?

Remember my boogeyman post? I think I must have been more freaked out about it than I thought I was, because I just had the most awful nightmare. I'm pinned down to the sofa by an enormous weight, my lips painfully clamped shut by some agent of force. As I try to free myself, my limbs start convulsing in little dotted rhythms and I try so very hard to pry my lips open. But nothing comes out of my mouth, I can't even make the slightest sound and all I can hear are my own wheezing noises.

Jo's sitting in the adjacent sofa seat, and I try my best to reach out to her. But I can't move, I can't speak, and my chest is laced tight with such overwhelming fear at so many thoughts which I can't possibly voice out now, and probably never will. I manage to free my left hand and swing it towards her, only to find myself smack right back in my original position, arms locked and pinned to the sofa. Only then do I realize, that whatever happened before was just a dream, and what I'm going through now is real, and the cycle continues. Each time I think I've succeeded, I discover it's only a dream - and all of this is taking place within one nightmare.

I've never tried so hard to wake up from a dream before. You know how it is - you're conscious that you're dreaming and you tell yourself just move a part of your body, go on, just move it but there's this unnatural rift between the body and mind, and nothing happens at all - you despair at the thought that you'd never escape from this, you'd never be free, that you'd be trapped forever in this realm of sleeping thoughts, which can never be awakened.

I don't know what finally made me wake up for real, but I most certainly did. The nightmare left me disoriented for a bit, with a sour aftertaste at the back of my mouth. Jo told me that I was breathing really heavily (Darth Vader comes to mind), which was probably due to all my failed attempts in my dream(s) to speak. The time was 415am - I had only been asleep for 15 minutes. Within that short duration, I must have 'dreamt and woken up' at least 20 times.

Jo suggested that it could have had been my sleeping position which gave rise to my heavy breathing (I assure you that I'm normally a very quiet sleeper), and I was sprawled on the sofa in a pretty awkward position. Maybe overeating gives you bad dreams too?

Speaking of sleeping and dreaming, the telly's showing a whole host of has-been-celebrities asleep in bed right now - it's Celebrity Big Brother Live. At 0630hr, it's highly doubtful that anyone will pull any pranks right now. How boring. Time for some Haruki Murakami, and a nice cup of tea. Morning, everyone!

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

shoo boogeyman!
spooky new year.
oh come off it!
bounce bounce bounce!
a Narni-AC good day.
hit me baby, one more time.
mosquitoes, orgasms, fatgirlslim.
i never liked goodbyes of any sort.
lynne the red-nosed reindeer.
thrice and counting.

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.