paradox.

Many times, Yang'en and I have discussed how one only learns, or appreciates, the meaning of value through loss, and the magnitude of that lost value (which also becomes a valued loss), only becomes clear - all too clear - if you have the luxury to face it a second time. Not to have it, mind you, just to face it.

Yang'en has departed from the blogosphere, and I'm sorry to see him go - I will miss reading his Benard Shaw entries. It makes me rather upset, well, anguished really, that I'll have no choice but to delete this domain in a few weeks as well. It's been part of my life since August 2004, why would I want to let it go? But - imagine the consequences if my future students were to stumble upon this blog..? I'll be starting work really soon - in a few weeks. Maybe I'll move somewhere else with password-protected entries. I'll definitely share the passwords with you guys if I do so, but it somehow feels rather contrived, you know? We'll see how it goes.

I wonder if everything is truly inevitable in retrospect? But even that's too tempting and fatalistic a thought for me to accept. Too easy, you know? Too perfect. Everything fits a bit too neatly in the larger scheme of things, what happens to the square holes?

I know I have a tendency to repeat myself, but indulge me anyway - everything becomes heartbreaking when you know the tragic end.