Monday, July 16, 2007

invisible filters.

The S brothers (who are excellent musicians) are fond of passing rather derogatory comments on the way I belt out musical phrases (at the top of my lungs, I'm afraid), especially when I'm in one of my excitable moods. (Aida, Dominic, Aida!)

Apparently, I don't keep in tune (what!), I take liberties with the rhythm (..perhaps) and I manage to modify the melody completely in the most artless manner possible - to the point that it does not bear the slightest resemblance to the original. I'm sure they exaggerate. Actually, I'm not sure. Dominic tells me this all the time too. Ah well. You know how it is - whatever rings in your head is louder than what you actually hear.

It's the same (and very strange) discrepancy between my inner hearing and the sound I produce on the piano. I know what sound I want, but I either can't get it, or I'm convinced I have done it, when I actually haven't. It's more often the former though, and I end up spending hours on the piano, chasing after this elusive magical sound which only exists in my mind. I swear to you, it sounds perfect between my ears, but somehow, something intrinsic is lost in transition from my brain to fingers, in translation from imagined glorious sound to its pale (and poor) manifestation.

What is this cursed barrier that lies in between, which I cannot break through? It doesn't just pertain to music-making, but I have this annoying tendency to say something in diametrical opposition to what I really want to say. [This seems to be the recurrent theme of 2007] I do try, you know, but I still fail most spectacularly. I open my mouth, and stutter: "I... am hungry." Or. A quick sputter after the almost imperceptible pause: "I... need to look for Superman's undies." Something ridiculous and irrelevant like that.

Anyway. JS and I have already discussed long and hard on this subject matter - the conclusion that we have reached is that this has to be prolonged out of sheer necessity, and for the sanity (and sanctity) of our minds. We must thrive on inner turmoil and heartrending conflict.

I have digressed, but that's alright, my thoughts are all over the place, and rightly so, although I haven't a clue why it feels right. It's the choosing of emotion over reason once again, but I'll leave that for another day.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

trek the track.
mutation; woebegone.
just once.
when it comes to things that are pregnant and lade...
for better or worse.
beneath.
and another.
retransition.
change; great expectations.
Make no mistake, it's with an awakening sense of t...

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.