Thursday, January 26, 2006

like a black lamb led by the nose around the cheery altar.

I seem to have lost interest in documenting my life, feelings and thoughts in words. And that in itself, is quite paradoxical, isn't it? Especially since I know after making such a bold statement, I'd probably end up doing the opposite, and having to retract it in the form of prolific (and not necessarily quality) blog posts over the next few days.

That being said, I've been feeling incredibly stupid and naive for the past few days. Everything that I thought I knew, is now critically analyzed, and it fails the stringent test that I have put it under. Maybe it's time to for me to address the possibility that I'm not as smart as I thought I was *gasp, oh the horror*. All the steps and small sacrifices that I've ever undertaken towards my hazy objectives, the irrevocable choices made in the arrogant assumption that my judgment is infallible - could well be deviating me towards the much-despised ubiquitous mean. I hate that. Although, I reckon a more accurate description, would be - I fear that. Pride will continue to be my downfall.

Nonetheless, I'm starting to accept that I can never fully escape from any sort of social, historical, cultural or parental indoctrination, much less my very own self-imposed conditioning regime. The idea that I'm being fostered slyly and subtly, to think and even react in a pre-empted fashion, alongside with the consequences and their resultant spin-offs, now provokes only a leisurely reaction from me. In turn, my sudden capitulation and the absence of any form of resistance, becomes an object of pompous contemplation on my part- on a day which seems far too bright, with a cigarette between my fingers.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

i must be a wuss..
you have to hear this.
uh oh, this is not funny.
lucid dreams, but i'm awake.
shoo boogeyman!
spooky new year.
oh come off it!
bounce bounce bounce!
a Narni-AC good day.
hit me baby, one more time.

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.