Friday, September 28, 2007

autonomy debunked.

It's been an exceedingly strange week - one that's filled with so much poignancy and regret for my friends around me, as well as for myself.

I think about broken flowers, denied dreams, the mutation of longing into memory, heartbreaking disappointment, and underpinning them all is the paralysis enforced by circumstances, and then the anguish at one's inability to steer life in directions that you want it to go.

Tonight, the distance of years and loss of shared experiences tug at the heart-strings, where each thought begins with the words I wish, which is, of course, foolishness in the extreme. How has wishing ever once solved anything?

There is much that I feel, too wide a spectrum for my liking, and I shall bind them all to the word wistful, as if by doing so, I can quantify and reduce everything to that single word, and that shall be all that I feel.

It seems to be working so far, witness the magical act of naming and the mind's power to manipulate! I think I'll try for indifference next time - not that it takes much effort or imagination to play dead.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

sleepy
Come, shield my eyes, and deck me from head-to-toe...
hollow words, i hope not
little skeletons that dance in the closet.
the priestess.
capriciously testing the limits.
familiar strangers.
before i walk out of the door to secret destinations
After I pull an all-nighter, I always promise myse...
gentle ripples.

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.