Sunday, October 07, 2007

a clinical rhetoric.

I could be wrong, but I somehow can't help feeling that I've been played like an instrument, no, honed as a weapon, embroiled in external machinations that are not of my making, and have nothing to do with me. Done unconsciously, perhaps, but is that any excuse, really.

Fool that I am, I give in to intoxicated suggestions, the trappings of the familiar, for I am also well aware that the night will come to an end. Once the alcohol has been purged, and the afternoon sun has chased away sleep shadow and nostalgia alike, the status quo will be reinstated with equanimity, leaving behind the fine residue of estrangement. Does that make it okay, I wonder.

I once cared about so many things which meant the whole world to me. But other priorities have come along, and I no longer do. That makes me feel as if I have somewhat lost a part of myself, which is paradoxical, because that also means I have become someone else by virtue of that, and gained something in return.

Bear witness to the trajectory, of yet another learning plateau, and I say it without the slightest trace of bitterness, but with laden irony at the events which have come to pass, and for the (supposed) adult that I have become.

blueprint

I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.

fresh monodies

it could be but didn't; a lament.
hide and seek.
chilli is one of them.
the dirty o and g words
shield my eyes from sorrow
autonomy debunked.
sleepy
Come, shield my eyes, and deck me from head-to-toe...
hollow words, i hope not
little skeletons that dance in the closet.

previous rants

August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
November 2010
January 2011
February 2011
August 2011
October 2011
May 2013

treatises on life

arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en

frivolous pursuits

for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories

mulling over

And there were phlegmatic souls.