Tuesday, November 10, 2009
the beginnings of post-mortem
So college is winding down, somewhat, this is the first free Tuesday I've had in this entire year (excluding MCs). It feels good to go home in the afternoon, like the rest of my colleagues, not having to stay behind and watch everyone leave before me.False lull, for this is the only week of rest I'm getting before it all starts up again. There's the performances in Dec, the arduous planning of happy events, three mountains of extra work for the next academic year, which promises to be.. extremely challenging and academically vigorous.
I've been having the most vivid of dreams in saturated yellows, with the oddest hue of wintry gray. Sometimes I wake up, and I'm not sure of person, time and place, yet I've never been more sure in my life.
A conversation with Y made me realise that I no longer know what I want to do. Once, the naive thought, that as long as it's music related, I'll be happy. Not that I'm unhappy, but I'm not happy doing what I do. It's funny how I used to be so very certain from the tender age of 6, only to realise belatedly that not only am I terribly unsuited for my profession, that maybe, music had never been mine.
I still have about 4 years to think about options, or the lack thereof. Hopefully I'll arrive at something without having to resort to deductive processes, but who knows, maybe I never will. The older you get, the more you have to lose, the more fearful you become of taking risks, and there you have it! The final petrification, say hello to the typical Singaporean. she procrastinated @ 15:16 |
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Upset
And sick with worry, and tired of my dysfunctional role as confidante, but it can never be relinquished, for fears that are all too real. she procrastinated @ 23:44 |
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Sad but true
I'm too old for all this, hear the polyphonic creaking of bones she procrastinated @ 18:18 |
Monday, September 28, 2009
a dramatic weekend of sorts.
Both on the work front, and elsewhere.
Swept away all too easily, it seems. But I have not forgotten the bitter undercurrent of endless desire, it's just.. I will soon have a mortgage to pay.
As do we all, I suppose.
Today, I heard from them, them whom I've spent a quarter of my life with and then, lost contact. Happy, excited, that there's a new project that's coming up and I'm thrilled at the prospect of getting my hands dirty for a different reason for once.
Still, work forecast for 2010 may not allow it, and I am seated once again with fingers embalmed, eyes closed to the wind and the world's brilliant green.
she procrastinated @ 19:55 |
Sunday, September 27, 2009
for nights such as these
such nights they are, that i think of the many, and always,
and always, near and yet so far gone, with that half-smile which betrays not a single tear.
she procrastinated @ 04:25 |
blueprint
I will like to spend my days, as though they are my own, which I mostly end up doing in halves, for duty beckons, and I am answering its clarion call. Soon enough! I am also a veteran procrastinator.
fresh monodies
the beginnings of post-mortem
Upset
Sad but true
a dramatic weekend of sorts.
for nights such as these
as it settles, like fairy dust long expired
in the momentary throes of wicked nostalgia (becau...
action, reaction.
Let's see if this works
a knotted spiel
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treatises on life
arty jen
betty boop
carmentica
charming-linn
chasing snowy cars
cheeky lynn
cheryliciously glam
clean and cute
cyclist-mad bass
darling dominic
feisty jing
fellow ditz-sista/porkSTAR
hail mary!
hell's kitchen
hero on the beach
h-Euge heart
hunky lenny
lipgloss queen
little cheryl
live n learn, baby
lolita lou
loony loon
mr popular
musically dan
m y s t j
phringe
princess tania
roger smurf
runaway pigeon
sabotage king jeremiah
sibling angst1
sibling angst2
spector dan
spunky tian
steffy bunny
sun-sunzzz
teeny wee-nee
weeeee, leonard!
yangtze yang'en
frivolous pursuits
for shallow ppl
for very geeky ppl
for the truly bored
spun prose
binary thoughts
past imprints
some stamps
montage of images
other memories
mulling over
"One is wicked, because one see things clearly." - Beaumarchais's Le nozze di Figaro.And there were
phlegmatic souls.